And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
