sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.