loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
