ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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