I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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