talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
