I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
