Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need a beard to bite.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You don't make any sense
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