I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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