Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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