the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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