She's JV to your varsity
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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