I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He has the fingertips of a God
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