Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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