I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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