went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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