By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
