i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
