There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
