dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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