i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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