I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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