we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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