he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
