Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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