i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
