woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How did I end up in the pool?!
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He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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