i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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