Do you still have your period?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
