I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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