this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
