My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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