Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
