where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
