Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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