Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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