Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
