the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
