The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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