The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Randomize
