Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
