She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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