someone threw a dead crab at me
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
