i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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