The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
