dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
