Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.