To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Are we in a gay sports bar?
My liver just broke up with me...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Good thing I've started drinking again
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today