Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special