omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.