we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
