An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
