Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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