Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
