I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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