i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
