Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
