My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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