it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
