i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
