I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
