Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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