My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
