Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My nipple is on Facebook.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's shark week go big or go home
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize