Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You're earring is so big in my mouth
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
