Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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