I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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