If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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