so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize