I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
