I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
