I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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