My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
