If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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