You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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