bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
