Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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