I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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