dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
