The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
