Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
