...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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