Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
