some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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