my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
