Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
